This.
This pain and resentment is not real. It is not genuine. It should not exist. “Imperfect humans do not exist. All humans are perfect.” I am perfect. Always have been, always will be. I will no longer needlessly create this unachievable image of myself. I will no longer critique myself for my mistakes. This path that I desperately journeyed is not my own. I will no longer follow this passage that was set out before me by society’s hand. I would much rather do what I have always done best.
Step off of this worn dirt trail onto the comforting cushion of the layered forest floor. A place where I am no longer pressured to follow a specific direction. A place where I am not constrained by barriers and boundaries. Where the obstacles I am faced with will only lead to beauty and adventure. My mind has quivered for this, my heart has fluttered for the opportunity, my limbs have throbbed for this freedom. And, finally, it is here. And here I am ready to seize the day. A day of immunity, a day of exemption. I am ready to run in the heat of the sun. Climb this mountain and reach the peak of elevation. The possibilities are infinite. The potential is boundless. I finally know what it is to fly, to soar. And although my stomach turns in nervousness as I look up at this intimidating summit, I am also internally flourishing.
My inner child is cheering, cartwheeling, and somersaulting. She has finally been given the consent to enjoy life in all of her child-like glory. No longer stifling herself in fear of being ashamed or embarrassed. She is finally being given the opportunity to live life without the looming shadow of a dark mentality. This is just the beginning. This is the commencement of her migration. Like a bird, I am in search of a warmer place, a kinder climate. Although it may take some time to reach this mystical destination, I am willing to wait. Until then, I will enjoy this journey. I will be wandering through these unfamiliar landscapes finding the beauty in the scenery, finding comfort in the refreshing ambiance. All the while, restoring and revitalizing the scarred blemishes, curing and consoling my concealed consciousness.
This journey to this unseen destination will encompass growth, alleviating past agreements, and soothing blanketed emotional discourse. Entwining myself in the magnificence of the unknown. Radiating with a passion of a burning sun. Standing brilliantly in the very center of my own universe, of my own reality. I have come to finally know my greatness, the very pinnacle of my being, and that is my resilience. My capability to still find something to live for when the world is crashing down around me. My fierce tenacity and unrelenting strength persevering through my most challenging trials. And, because of this, I know I will carry on. I know I will endure. I know I will continue to pursue my true objective. To seek freedom. To transcend. To accept.
“She has been feeling it for awhile now —
That sense of awakening. There is a gentle
rage simmering inside her, and it is getting
stronger by the day. She will hold it close—
She will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t
let anyone take it away from her. It is her
rocket fuel. And finally, she is going places.
She can feel it down in her very core. This
is her time. She will not only climb mountains,
She will move them, too.”
-Lang Leav
